the world is full of people

there are insane people in the east

there are starving people down south

there are power-hungry people in west

and forgotten people in the north

 

and then there's me

the blinded fangirl of low dreams and high hopes.

i am a single grain in the sand

a single leaf in the forest

a single star in the heavens

that knows how much vast the world is

and how much we must taste it

 

 

for too long i have not lived for something i know i ought to live for. there exists of course a perpetual gratitude to the people that constantly keep me alive, my family, friends and our creator. but something else made life a little more than wonderful. one year ago, life was not well.in fact, life is still not well for me at all. i have lived to see myself as a failure with each day that passes. the failure to change, the failure to climb the bigger step, the failure to save myself from drowning in a pool of problems i've created for myself. and with every morning that i awaken, i cannot believe that i can still rise from the bed. i wish i haven't woken up. i wish that i could sleep and nothing will be frightening my future. all that i've ever done in my life that i truly would not regret and that truly made me happy, i've done to escape the undesirable world i've created for my own.

 

at the end of the year, when christmas came, i saw a ray of sunlight dancing around my dampened world.just enough to illuminate the corners, but was still weak to light the whole room. and in that christmas, as in now, i came to realize that maybe there is something i i ought to live for. that finally, i can be a little happy about rising in bed and facing another day of failure.

thank you teukie for the that share of sunlight.

when i grow old, if i even get to live long enough, whatever i will be then, i will be most happy when i remember three things.one, that i had family and friends that cared for me and made life magical. two, that God created a life for me to start with and helped me through the the very end of it. and lastly,that in the darkest parts in my life, when i felt most low and devastated, i did not give up so i can experience a greater share of that sunlight.

 

 

 

 

when i first saw heechul
i almost vomited
and i cursed him
again and
again
again
what the hell is this guy wearing?
why does he have hair extensions?
is he even a guy?

then he became tolerable
and soon i was clutching on my stomach so hard
and wiping hot tears
and was suffering constant jaw aches
everytime he opens that damn mouth

thank u heechul oppa
for being hellishly funny and borderline crazy
that way once they spot you
you become the trail that leads to
super junior

..for me teukie specifically!haha

happy birthday!
stay pretty and handsome at the same time!

i did not see this coming
i mean entering into the korean world
and actually be hooked
so much, so much, too much

hihi

happy birthday teukie oppa
keep that dream alive
whatever that dream is
sing
dance
laugh
and make people laugh
without restrain

yesterday i woke up to a suju day!i even got the patience to cut felt paper to make banners and stuff. i guess i really missed only 13, but that doesn't mean that i hate henry or zhoumi.haha.so there, i strictly made it a suju day, i played suju songs only, avoided doing things not related to suju, so and so. what i really anticipated on that day was the pandora tv live online broadcast of the dream concert which was suppose to show up at 6 pm in our time. So we were all there, holding our breaths in front of the computer, hoping the see suju13 again and then, the site flopped!omg! I  could've cried!i invested so much in that day!i hate pandora tv.oh well, i put that all away now. So as i woke up to june 8, fortunately my day got brighter!my sister kept shouting that she has already downloaded the suju performances on the dream concert!oh hell yeah! so we brought the cake and celebrated!haha!what lowly creatures we are. nway, so before we ate we shouted super juni-OR!haha.then after we basked ourselves with any super junior vid we could find. finally, a suju day rightfully called one. I was so happy watching the performances, especially suju h!teukie had so many parts and he sang so well!omg!i love, love, love that voice!haha.

so there goes the dream concert experience..haha
i hope i have more of them..