" Even after the leaves in Colorado falling from the trees,

  and the wind breeze of Fall coming,

  I can still feel the warmth of summer from many miles away to the east,

  the memory of scent of last rain in Oxmoor.

 

  If I can reborn,

  I'd wanna walk in Oldham as a nerdy asian highschool kid in your past,

  If I can trade all my looks,

  I'd wanna have another week of everlasting happiness.

  Here I go again I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today,

  It's been awhile and counting,

  You've moved on,

  I still feel exactly the same.

   Am I all alone in the universe?

   there's no love on these streets

   I have given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway

   Even my heart aches I hope your future will be brighter and full of happiness

   Ever since you've been gone, the lights go out the same,

   The only difference is

   You call another name

   To your love.

 

   I never had a chance to say proper goodbye

   maybe you've closed the door for me

   I am not in front of the door anymore, you can open the door now

   I left you a piece of note outside the door,

 

   "you know what?.."

 

    Dear Yumenosity.

 

the wind from the mountains blow towards my hand
i can feel how lonely i am
even i am surrounded by hundreds of friends
as looking how my life is

a pure black and white pictures
i wanna write a simple song for you
a pure black and white song
i wanna whisper a simple song to your ear

the wind blow from the west
as i look towards the east
waiting for the new sun to wake up again
a new day, sooner i can meet you

a pure black and white pictures
i wanna write a simple song for you
a pure black and white song
i wanna whisper a simple song to your ear

"the sky was so dark,
 the ocean was empty
 i am walking alone
 carving footpath along the coast
 as i was looking far across the ocean
 i pray o'God
 i wiish o'Star
 i dream o'Sky
 i wanna be with the One i really wanna trade whole happiness of my life with now
 from the penny in my walet until the dream of my life, i wanna exchange it
 for a single wave in the ocean that can bring me to her
 o' falling star, o'11:11.. please grant my wish
 i wanna meet her, grab her hand, and put it on my chest
 so she can feel my heart beat closely
 i wanna kiss and bedazzled by the beauty of her eyes."

 

"from the beauty of spring, i wanna pick every flower for you, from yellow to another yellow, for you

till the awesomeness of summer, i wanna walk on the beach with you, barefoot, and giggling across the coast playing the water, with you

till the grandnesss of autumn, i wanna pick every falling leaves for you, and say, until all leaves fell to the soil of the earth, my love won't ever stop

till the serenity of winter, i wanna show you the grandness of snow on the top of rocky mountains in Colorado, that you are not dancing alone anymore on the snow, but now you have me,

this is my story, this is our story, a story across thousand miles in distance of two persons a story of your happiness."

 

youstbi

 

There are more than 2 billion people doesn't believe in God, and 4 billion believe in One God, and the rest believe in inner God or many gods. People killing people forcing people to believe in God or the other way around, forcing others to believe in Science and sweeping God from entire planet.

 

Who is right? who is wrong? I believe most of you who are reading this is either Christian, Buddhist or Atheist. Nobody's perfect, the best preacher, the best pastor, St. Paul, Ghandi, the best buddhist monk, HH Dalai Lama, the best scientist, Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein, Oprah Winfrey, Mother Teresa. None of them are perfect.

 

"You are not 100% pure and good" sentence I received recently struck me, seems shallow sentence and nothing deep about it, but it's deep and very true that none of us is 100% pure and good.

 

As a Christian, be a christian who is passionate about humanity, do as Christ Jesus taught you, believe in God firmly, love God with all your strength and soul, and love others as loving yourself, even you are only 1 % doing it succesfully at least you die trying.

 

As a Buddhist, be a buddhist who believe in peaceful reunion with the heavenly, believe in the goodness of humanity, fill your mind with compassion just like buddha said, give hands to others in need, even you are only 1 % doing it succesfully at least you die trying.

 

As an Atheist, be a humanist who don't making fun of religious people, develop cure for cancer, explore the universe, do your best for the advancement of science and development of humanity, do act of kindness wherever you go, even you are only 1 % doing it succesfully at least you die trying.

 

I am not saying all religions coexist and worship same God or same belief system, no, we live in diverse culture, we learn to respect and to understand others, not to mix our religions or beliefs into one, in this tough times rather than fighting over who is right who is wrong, it is much better to put the time and effort in helping global poverty and hunger around the world. Hundreds of innocent children are dying in Darfur, Sudan while you guys debate over religions and science in YouTube.com

 

There is time to share your faith to others peacefully, there is time to be secular and unite together to help people.

 

nobody is 100% good, nobody is 100% pure, not a virgin, not a nun, not a monk, not a preacher, not a pastor, not a scientist, not a priest, not a boddhisatva, not a public doctor, not a UN worker, not a humanitarian worker, not a seminarian, nobody.

 

"and three things remains, Faith, Hope and Love, and upon these three.. the greatest is Love, Love others like loving yourself."

Youstbi, March 2009

Life, started with being born then as kids we play in playground, then we go to school, college, graduate, work in a big company, date people, get married, have children, retired, have grandchildren, and then die. If this life is a book, a really big book, and every day is a page that you write, every year is a chapter, after awhile in your life, you begin to turn back and see the old pages that you have written, you smile, you laugh, sad, and even cry. What have you written are memories; some are good and some are bad. You wish to rewrite some of them but you can't. There is one moment in people's life where they think deeply what this life is for, what is their purpose? what is their dream? For some people they think very hard, but in the end they can't find and they give up. For some people they ignore their thoughts. Everyone is unique, nobody is the same. How and whether people can discover what their dreams are, are different.


I really hope nobody read my blog but if there is anyone, I hope you can give thanks for yourself at least you can still walk and smile to your friends one more day in your life. One page in your life might change someone's else entire book, there is a good side in everybody, criminals, murderers, rapists, robbers, why a society must put a finger pointing them as people of failure? They have hearts, they have the same books as we do, they might live harder lives than you and me. There is nothing as failure in life, think now what is your dream? Instead what failures have you done, instead how poor you are, instead how is your appearance, instead how broken your family is, instead how hard your life is, instead how sick you are, instead how lonely you are, instead how difficult for you to keep going through this life, instead everything this world has done to you, think of what is your DREAM?


Let us not write blogs to keep people intention for ourselves. Instead write our blogs to share our hearts, our minds, our opinions, and especially our joy. Without suffering there is no compassion, this life might not as sweet as you want, you might want to be someone else, you might want to have what somebody else has, you might see dead end in your life. But we are never alone in this world, when you are too tired to run in this life, take a break for awhile and look beside you. The runners beside you also tired and sweating, smile to them and keep running. That's why dreams and purpose of life are important, without them you don't know where to run. I didn't and I don't want to write a poem, a speech, or a sermon in this blog, I just want to share how good our lives are, let us give a little meaning to our lives and our neighbor's lives, just a little meaning might change the ending of the book, when we all die, and we finish writing our books, when we have the purpose and the dreams. We might not regret what we have written no matter have we achieved our dreams and our purposes or not. We have tried our best, and our books are not just a full of craps and nonsense without meanings.


Time is flowing faster than what I want, I also want to share my feeling. I can't run alone in life without family, friends, and all people that I love. I want to live a life that can make a joy in people's life. When I was working in orphanage it was indeed the most unforgettable experience in 2006. To see children with down-syndrome and mental illness felt happiness and enjoying themselves already made me really happy. I realized that people with pure characteristic need love, attention, acceptance and care more than money and power. A young kid with a down-syndrome is an example of someone with pure character, he is not corrupted by cultures or by bad influence of the world, instead he is just a human with original mindset which is the closest to pure characteristic of human. Seeing people that I love happy is the most joyful and the most wonderful thing that I can see. There is deeper meaning in this life other than money, sex, romance, power, pride, religion, to love people is one of them.


Youstbi Djuanvat, January 2007