WUTT its shutting down??

nooo

does that mean that i cant blog any more?? haww so junkk

anyways.. dad is a ass :]

hi cyworld! its been a while since i updated anything at all.. so here i am!!

School

this week is fall break? or something like that lol i have no school for a whole week!! hell yeah. imma go out with shaun and brandon to go watch movies lol i've been doing pretty good in school, grades are good. well math grade is getting better hehe i have homework over the break, but its like geometry hw so maybe i'll ask a certain someone to 'help' me haha..

Band

ehh, its okay.. lol still get the kine, over reacting stuff causing a link of plenty drama [crap i talking so choppy lol] we won third for that marching thingy yay! lol went to watch justin [mililani fall pops] perform, with shaun, KJ and eric.. its all G as of now lol

Love

i need to write that in private lol

omg my laptop wont let me go to my desktop!!!

it only lets me go online, to 'see more info on what to do'

so boring noww.

i have to wait till i get home to see whats wrong.

i hope it isn't broken

but at the same time i want it to be broken...

so i can buy a new one... lol

i want one with a webcam in it and etccc... lol

i'll probably be back to blog more, ...

when i get bored again

i wish i could marry you, cyworld
because your the only one that understands me
or at least, i think you try...

FACT 1: i can't take a joke.
i take things too seriously, yeah i know that already
but why does it hurt so much? to hear words that ive told myself countless times?
my heart was pumping, just thinking of what those words ment. i think too much,
i wish it would all stop, and i wouldn't have to think
that would result in me being dead.

FACT 2: i am very sensitive..
which sucks, big time.
i tell myself, its okay, i'll be alright, "he'll" come to save me someday
BUT WHY? why hasn't he come?
i've hurt myself way too many times that was nessary. mentally and physically

i couldn't find a pin, so i found a rubber band.

rubber bands suck, they make too much noise.
i wish i had a pin.. then i could punish myself for thinking bad things, and for taking things too seriously.

maybe i should quit maple?

those friends aren't any special then what i thought they would be.
they wont understand me
they wont see me
even the very person that i've shared my secret of asel and mari wont accpt me
i just want to find someone that will be there for me, mentally and physically

why does it hurt soo much?
is it because i, even though i know this friendship will not last, put my heart and soul with everything i got, at stake for it?

spending money so that they'll have a reason to be near me.
spending countless hours on a game, so that i'm noticed
showing off my house, so they'll think i've had it good.

i dont know what to do.
i dont want our friendship to end like yume...
should i end it now?
half of me wants to end it
but the other half wants to take chances and stick with it

i hate my life.
crying feels so happy, i feel like myself.
staring at the mirror, i dont see the pretty me that i look in every morning
i see a ugly old, desperate person.
maybe justin b was right, i am desperate.

doing this makes me question my life..
band? i dont feel as happy as i was when i first started HS.
work? happy, i can be myself. i should engulf myself in work
love? shit, fuck, crap, ass... fuck love already,
school? should focus more on it.. maybe'll it keep my mind off things..

that frickin star that i've always been wishing on since elemantray school hasn't been working.
send me that someone that will make me rest at ease.. and hurry
i dont know how long i can last anymore..
im having too many breakdowns...

i'm tired, can't you just let me sleep?

i love my life when i sleep, everyone understands me..

why couldn't he understand and xccept me?
even if we we're just friends...

hey, pass the rubber band

im bored.

hi cyworld..
it's been a while hasn't it?

i've been good...

band:
-meeting with principal tomorrow after school... i wonder if we did anything bad?
-aloha concert moved suddenly
-Parade Of Bands this saturday (justin on thurs and christian on fri) can't wait..
-playing a solo trumpet part for POB, whoo, + a song thats simlar to solo... a soli
-pp is irrating me.. i miss my piko!!

school:
-so far, so good, good grades, that is..
-genetic superhero?.. uh ew no i dont want to do that
-walk a thon today was a total bitch, frickin 6th graders, frickin ignore me, at least meet me halfway right? ... no, frick them!
-hmm that hot guy that i always see, is always somewhere around. lol just a little eye candy for me.

love:
-dont like randall anymore! yay
-think im doing something bad.. i think i might like ともだち.... who has a gf already.. im so bad
- worse thing is.. i think im making him ignore his gf.. 1) he told me he talks to me more than her.. 2) he never used to text in class or during his rehersals.. but now he does.. he texts me.. 3) he gets mad when i ask about his gf... 4) i think i like him.. (maybe)

rawr, life is all GEE!