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Nov 2009

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Jul 12, 2008

privacy

i miss you even when i don&#... (Jul 12, 2008 11:20 pm)

let's end the bitterness of the past away..hehe..
i just remembered something i told krishna yesterday..^^

"i miss you even when i see you.."

actually, i don't actually miss him.. i don't even think of him anymore [when i don't see him..^^;].. but when i actually see him..talk to him [kahit simpleng "hi" at "hello" lang ang conversation namin].. i miss him.. i long for his voice and smile.. and when i see him.. ughhh.. it makes my day! mushy??? yeah, i know..but love is supposed to be at some point, right?

so this is actually a response to krishna's blog..i forgot the title and i don't want to read or spend even a single sight on that blog.. she's bitter about all the waiting in vain and pursuing an unrecognized love.. she even said to let things go.. but.. knowing her.. she, the writer and adviser herself, doesn't have the guts to do that.. and in fact, she still belongs to the club of people who waits in vain..hahaha..

waiting for someone without having any assurances if that person will even spend a single sight on you is just and definitely a weird and absurd idea.. me, myself, strongly agreed to that before.. i mean, why would you waste your precious time waiting and waiting and still patiently waiting for someone who will never ever see your worth..? totally ridiculous..!

but i know, at some point, each one of us will experience this..to be tinkerbell to our peter pan.. and you'll know how it feels.. being content by just watching in the sidelines.. smiling and laughing at even the corniest joke that you'll ever him from that person.. having the most memorable memory of having a 10-minute ride with him and sitting by his side in a train.. haha.. people may think that this is absurd or overacting..

but isn't love supposed to be like this? something that can make you feel happy during your most saddest days.. something that will make you feel floating in the air as if there were nobody else but you and that person.. however, the saddest and most agonizing part is that you are the only one who can feel it and not the other party..

how can you possibly let go of someone you have wished for so long? how could you possibly give up something that you fought for?

but when you learn and realize that the other party will not see your worth, learn how to let go.. we are always blinded by our idea of waiting patiently and he will soon set his eyes on me.. but it's a hell of an idea to live with.. because there is a far better person for you.. the truth that he didn't see you is just enough to make you realize that the fight is over..

and letting it go doesn't mean you are giving up.. you are just opening your doors to others.. because when we wait.. we only see ourselves and that person.. and there're no other rooms for someone else to come in.. but when you know that all your efforts are of to no avail.. stop it.. wake up..stop thinking of something that can only happen in dreams and fantasies..

however, the joys and the memories -- no matter how bitter..how painful..how sad..it will and definitely remain for the rest of your life..

it might be harsh and hard to accept but the fact that you have learned how to wait and love patiently is a greater memory than not having waited and loved at all..

so for the people who are waiting in vain..go..
fall in love..
but don't let  yourselves drowned in your illusions and fantasies..
hell,, your life isn't only for him!
whatever we experience in this life, whether good or bad, happy or sad, all are worth remembering..and all the people we have met..we have been with or not are all worth being remembered..
privacy

No Title (Jul 12, 2008 10:16 pm)

The best expression of love is time. When you give someone your time, you are giving him or her a portion of your life that you’ll never get back. It’s frustrating sometimes, because you are not in the position to demand for their time…. You spent the whole day thinking about that person. All you wanted was to receive even the slightest effort to let you know that he’s okay so you wont have to check on your phone incessantly. You find all means to get into his world and yet it seems you live in two different realities.

Maybe those who wait suffer the most in love. They waste their time for someone not being certain of the circumstances of their actions. Their love – unrecognized and lonely… alone they face the unknown of the path they choose to thread. Their love sees beyond time and sacrifice and it doesn’t mind. In reality, those who wait have the most burdens in love. They are silently broken, agonizing in waiting, content just watching from the sidelines…

They say that as long as hope exists, love can survive. Even if love is not returned right away as long as there is hope, in time you can win over the person you desire. Lucky for those who wait that is given hope… they have the assurance needed to hold on… but what about those who took the risk even without assurance? Can their love still survive? Can they bear the pain of not knowing? I think sometimes we do know the answer, but we rather not confront it. In the end, we have an excuse to continue on our miserable "wait" for someone to see our worth.

These persons can be compared to mountains --- steady, strong and always there. They have seen everything that passed by them and they have a wonderful view ahead of them. But the fate of the mountains is terrible. They are destined to look at the same scene forever. Time passes them by and they don’t mind.

For those who have the luxury to be waited upon, do you know that there is someone waiting for you? If yes, what do you intend to do? Would you ask for more time to sort things out? Are you trying to test the person waiting for you? Are you like those who wait, they see but don’t mind? Or you simply don’t see them at all?

One must understand that whatever be your situation now, it is your choice. If you choose to stay with the person you love, silently broken; if you are content to see his smile, while you cannot create one of your own; if you are satisfied just to watch him from the sidelines, while someone else is playing your supposed part in his life --- then deal with the pain. Fall into the pit of abyss destined for your unrecognized love. Torture yourself by giving someone your all… someone who cannot even take a glimpse of your efforts. After all, through pain, at least you could feel.

The truth is, if he could really see you, he would unselfishly set you free and not leave you hanging on something that doesn’t make sense. He would tell you face to face the things you needed to hear: “just give me more time” or “go search for other things that can make you happy”. The first gives you hope to continue waiting while the latter opens your mind to reality. This will only be raised if he does actually see you.

It’s hard to hear the truth. But it’s just the same when you choose to shut your ears and close your eyes --- pretend that everything is as it should be. Whatever be the result, you will come to know that you are not broken no matter how much it hurts. Then the time you have can be attributed to moving on rather than waiting in vain. If he’s not worth it, stop as early as possible. Because if he doesn’t see your worth now, what makes you think he’ll eventually open his eyes? I think its best to reserve your efforts for someone who would see you even if you were not doing anything.

Bear in mind that time is the best gift and sadly, it is often taken for granted. We only see the value of a person when it’s already too late.

[article borrowed from my friend and editor..^^]

Jul 06, 2008

privacy

outside the walls.. (Jul 06, 2008 9:57 pm)

a single's life..?

"it's been a year..why are you still single?"

people would always ask me the same question..
and i always give them the same old answer..

"it's hard to trust someone again.."

life is much better being with friends instead of dating someone exclusively..
in the end, you will just get your heart trampled and broken..

anyways,
i always spend time with my friends..
watch a movie..
drink coffee..
go out in a bar..
just to have fun and relieve the pressures of college life..

i will be graduating next year..
i will be leaving my Alma Mater..
i will be living outside the walls of PLM (my university)

i have been a good student for years..
i have lived all these years aiming for good grades..
but it seems like i only lived 10% of my life..
and i am still searching for the remaining 90%..

entering my college senior life gave me the opportunity to change the way i live my life..
my college friends [even to think how studious they are] invited me out to a bar..
since it's saturday and i have nothing else to do at home but to think of what am i going to do with my thesis, i decided to spend time with them..
my mom was against it because she said "it is so not you"
well, i am having a change of life..
living the life i never lived before..
staying out late and just have fun..

we were at the bar until 3am..but were not contented and still want each other's company
went to a coffee shop even though no one wants to drink coffee [just thinking about wasting money, huh?!]
we just talk stuffs about life..college..us..career after graduation..
it's just so fun that i can be myself with these people..
they will not judge you or condemn you for the wrong things you've done in the past..
we spent our time until 7 in the morning..

just when everybody else's starting their day..
we are just on our way to end the day before..haha

and there are just things left to say..

outside the walls of the university and home..there's a different taste of life waiting for you..
it's my choice to be who i am..

I AM SINGLE but it DOESN't mean I AM ALONE..^^
I LOVE MY FRIENDS...!
angushen
angushen
Jul 09, 2008 5:19 am

reading your words i feel very sad and unhappy. hope u everything is ok and fine

Jun 07, 2008

privacy

i am hurting.. (Jun 07, 2008 6:50 pm)

i agree with my friend shan..^_^

people who always smile a lot and think that everything is fine..
are most often the people who experienced and are experiencing
struggles in life..

smiling doesn't always mean that everything is fine,
that everything is okay..

sometimes..

it means..

i am hurting inside..

and the only way to hide the pain..
is by smiling..

personally, i am not emotional when i am with my friends..
i laughed with them.. and have fun..

but when the day ends..
and i find myself alone..

sadness comes knocking on my door..
and there is no other choice but to let it come in..

so don't be tricked by the people who are always smiling..
don't think that they are always fine..
when in fact, they are the ones who need
most of your care..

ejang
ejang
Jun 08, 2008 11:22 pm

it will be ok~!

Jun 06, 2008

privacy

uhmmm.. (Jun 06, 2008 8:31 pm)

"Past is a history, tomorrow is a mystery.. But today, it is a gift.. That's why it is called present.."

-from Kung Fu Panda
ejang
ejang
Jun 08, 2008 11:21 pm

I have not seen Kung Fu Panda yet.

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