I was getting ready for work and then the phone rang.  I didn't want to answer it because if it was the Vet on the other end of the line, it only means one thing:  Puppy is dead.

It turns out my fears were for real.  Indeed it was the Vet calling us to inform that Puppy lost the battle to distemper early this morning.  I cried.

We call him Puppy because when he was born, (about 7 years ago), we couldn't think of a name for him.  Finally we have decided upon Rukawa - a name of one of the characters of a popular anime that time.  However he wouldn't answer to that name and when we riverted back to "Puppy" he wagged his tail excitedly.  It was an apt name for him though.  He never became a dog in our eyes.  Always a pup- adorable, playful and cute.

In the last year we noticed that he was having trouble with his hind legs.  He has trouble standing for long periods and it would take some time before he can walk.  Maybe he was getting old.  Then last Monday came.

I don't know when it hit him.  I just noticed that he was breathing hard Monday evening when I got home from work.  He didn't bark when I rang the bell.  Then when I said hello to him, he stood up and he was like panting only he was trying to get in air.  I thought he was just choking or he was just thirsty because he still went to side where his water was only he wanted to relieve himself and then he had trouble going back to his bed.  I panicked because he looked so tired as he could breathe.  I scolded my dad for not noticing Puppy earlier.  I was feeling bad that he couldn't breathe and he couldn't even tell us about it.  My dad felt helpless.   I panicked because he couldn't breathe and he might die on the spot.  I called up friends who have dogs and who have Vets for their doggies.

Finally we were able to contact our own Vet and asked them to open their clinic (clinic closes after office-hours).  Immediately, Puppy was given an IV fluid so that he will not dehydrate.  Vet couldn't tell what was wrong with him so she asked us to leave him behind for observation and they will take a blood sample for tests.  I was crying when we left.  It felt like it was the last time I was going to see him.  He also looked afraid that he was going to be left behind.

I couldn't sleep that night.  The Vet said it could be distemper and I knew it was a leathal diesease for the dogs.   Next day, I was praying not to get any calls from the Vet.  Midday, I went for a visit and I saw that his condition has improved.  He was still having trouble breathing but it wasn't as bad as the night before.  Vet also told me that his condition is much better.  My sister also visited him late afternoon and the blood test came out positive for distemper.  Since distemper is a diesease that cannot be treated, the only way that dogs can survive is to stop secondary dieseases from worsening.  We thought we could bring him home already.  Doctor advised that not yet since he hasn't eaten.  Although his condition was better, he appeared to be sleeping more.  I was a bit worried when my sister told me her observation.

I still didn't sleep last night.  This morning I planned to visit him again before going to work but the phone rang before I could do so...

I shall be missing him.  I shall miss his expectant look everytime I come home.  I shall miss his howling when he feels lonely.  I shall miss watching him chew big bones to pieces.  I shall miss when he wants a belly rub.

Good night Puppy.

"Friends are angels who lift us up to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."

My world shattered a couple of weeks ago.  It felt like the end of the world.  Imagine discovering that the dreams you have been dreaming will not happen the way you want it to happen.  When all you have been holding on are your dreams and suddenly even those dreams are gone, you just feel lost and alone.

I fell.  I didn't know how to go on.  I didn't know where to go... until friends pulled me back.

They told me it's ok to cry and they told me that I'm going to be ok.  They told me to fight and they also fought for me.

They didn't judge me even when I made the wrong decisions.  They listened even when I'm saying the same things over and over again.

I'm beginning to pick up the pieces again and they are helping me pick them up.  It's still a long way to go but I'm not going to be lost because they will help me find the way.  They will cheer for me when I pursue my dreams alone.  If I get scared, I will just run to them and they will soothe my fears away and most of all if I fall down again, they'll be there to catch and pick me up and give me back my wings...