The Child In Him

I loved the child in him so innocent and sweet The mischief in his eyes the blush upon his cheek The tender way he spoke that showed me that he cared The touch of his warm hand that gently touched my hair The smiles that we shared that filled my life with glee For when I was with him I found the child in me.

Jean Gabor

hee! im so happy! everything has happened exactly as this poem has stated! today was the day that the only thing that didnt happen, DID! today he touched my hair! do you realize that's the first time a male has actually ever touched it? no one, not even the guys in my family (except when we were little and fighting but that doesnt count! >:O ) has ever touched it.
he's so childlike, i think that's what i like about him. that plus the fact that aries and leos always get along great together! it's sooooo true! follow your horoscopes people!!! for so long i've been trying to work a relationship out with a pisces, but it was always a struggle. but now... but now!
(*sighs contently*)
im living in a fairy tale right now. honestly!
though i still wish he wasnt such a player!!! TT.TT
(and at his age! for shame!!! >:O )
but anyways, it's ok for now. i'll straighten him out. ;)
god, i dont even know what im writting here. im just so happy right now! <3
hee, i bet you wonder why something so simple as having someone touch my hair would make me feel so alive. well, i kinda do wonder that too. but i dont think i want to know the answer to that. not yet anyways. today, i want to live out these little moments, cause i know they wont last.
im in love right now, but im also realistic. i know they wont last. which fairy tale ever had a happy ending, huh?
NOT ONE.
now, why do i say that...? ever read the real versions of those disney movies? well you should! the little mermaid ends up killing herself, cinderella's stepsisters' eyes get pecked out by birds, etc. etc. not a pretty picture huh?
but that's ok.
it really is.
cause in the end of it all, SOMEONE was happy.
god, now i defiantly dont know what im talking about! TT.TT;
let me go straighten out my head, ok? ;P

-Lizzy

p.s. i also happen to be his favorite... XD
i dont know for how much that counts, but hey! beggars cant be choosers right?

So... i've just received the package i ordered from the 'house of watchers' a coven of vampires. and ok. the ring, it's very pretty, but it's kinda big on me... TT.TT but that's not the only thing i bought either... i also got a 'blessing potion' and i've tried a little bit of it so far. should i really have done that? i have no idea what's in it... all i know is that it's all natural, and that it's suppose to 'bless' me with positive energies. and well, i thought i was only going to get a tiny little vial... boy was i wrong! this thing is huge!!! how am i suppose to drink it all up in one gulp?! uh, no. i'll save it for a rainny day. although it does taste really good... kinda minty you know? omg. do you think it'll help me win him over?! that would be sooo awesome! <3
god, i hope he's thinking about me right now...
oh, but anyways, if you want to check out the site where i bought this stuff, just follow this link:
http://www.vladkaschka.info/
hee. i remember when i bought my first blood forged ring at work everyone was like 'why do you even want to meet a vampire?!' and he was all like 'well... im nocturnal by nature!' hehe! he's sooo cute! <3
actually, i think i find anything he says or does cute. and i've just realized im picking up some of his habits. hehe! that always happens with me when i like someone alot!
ugh! i started talking about him again. i have to stop that. no, but look at this. on monday, i was at work right, and this girl one of our regular patrons comes in. her english is really bad and whatever. and i was like 'wow! what a pretty ring!' she was soooo proud of herself! she was like 'why thank you! my BOYFRIEND gave it to me!!!' of course she said this in spanish and then she turns to my nonspanish speaking coworkers and waves her hand around. 'boyfriend gave this!'
man, you have no idea how bitter i was. TT.TT
anyways, today i dont have to go to work till five o'clock. which in a way is a good thing. considering whose going to be there. remember? the lady who confronted me? well, yeah... my boss told me he talked to her on thursday, (the day after she told me all of that.) and he said he cooled everything over. um. ok. what was there to cool? he said that he had HEARD stuff.
uh-oh.
my only guess now is that the last kid who worked there must have given him the heads up. or told someone to tell him.
(*sighs*)
oh, my poor well-intentioned-but-his-plan-totally-backfired-boss.
ah, and remember the big fight i had a couple of days ago? with um, that one boy. (the one whose sick) well, things WERE starting to smooth over, and then, well i overslept and couldnt help him with his essay. hmm. im sure he hates me. but in reality it's all HIS fault cause he shouldnt have kept me awake all through the night. i went to bed like at 1:30 in the morning and didnt get up till after noon. his essay was due by eleven oclock.
d*** o(>_<)O
hmm... that potion has left me a bit hungry... and dizzy.
i better stop now, before everything starts to sway. O_o

-Lizzy

Edit: 8:35 p.m.
omg. i think that potion worked. O.O
remember the coworker? well yeah. today she was an absolute sweetheart. she actually left me alone for once, did not complain AT ALL, and well yeah. O.O this feeling of peace after working with her is so weird. i havent felt this since when she started so long ago.
...
can you imagine if i had taken more...?
oh! and another good piece of news! oh, my lovely pendant i thank thee! <3
apparently I was missed yesterday. ;)
today, wasnt so bad after all, huh?
(i wonder if i just jinxed myself... >_> )

-Lizzy

Operation: 'Snap a Pic'...
was a complete meltdown.
TT.TT god, in the end i was just to shy to take a pic. and actually it's not only that, but im also rather upset that the zoom feature on this camera isnt any stronger... >:(
at least that way i would have been able to take a pic of him! even if you know... it was from afar and the back of his head! XD
but you know what? these little adventures of mine, the people i know right now, yeah well. i've never been in a happier time in my life before. and sure, all this other stuff is happening on the home front like that divorce, (which secretly i dont think was that bad of an idea) that idiot boy on his end, and my usual bouts of self depression and loathing, but i can deal with all that stuff. as weird as it sound, when i go to work, it's like im in a dream.
and ok, sure. i know that in every dream you always have to wake up, and sometimes i find im rudely awoken, but it's mostly by one or two rude patrons who in the end, im saved from. :3
that's the best type of dreaming i think.
anyways, i dont know why im talking about this kind of stuff. hee, maybe it's the song playing in the background? 'hey there deliah'. it's such a sweet song. i wish someone would sing that for me. hee, i bet HE would! <3 remember? he has an awesome voice.
but i keep thinking, 'why is such a cool man still single?!' well. it's okay for now. i wont worry about that. im enjoying our time together. more than i should really, but it's ok. it really is.
i think.
and that's when the doubts set in.
i am still so scared at what might happen.
he is afterall, so much older than me. and on saturday we had such a conversation that left me feeling kinda sad.
one of our coworkers, (i've worked with him a couple of times before) had a heart attack recently, he's a healthy man you know. that's why it was so surprising. so we were talking. he was making up his schedule, (he's going to take a WHOLE WEEK off! im going to be missing him so much!!!) but anyways, while he was planning on some vacation time, he stated that he's planning to go and have HIS heart check out, cause apparently he's (and here's where im going to go into conversation mode, exactly as we said)

'-also getting up on years.'
(*my back is turned around and i mumble*) 'yeah... that's true...'
(*he lifts his head up as i caught what i said*) 'what?'
(*i turn around to look at him*) 'what you?! never! no, not you!'
(*he's silent for a bit, and i go back to my work, my back once again turned*)
'... thanks elizabeth.'

god, i'll probaly never truly understand why he said that. but that feeling was magical. as soon as he said that, such a wave of calmness surronded me. i know it sounds corny, sure, whatever, but i was so happy. that moment seemed to stay so very still...
hee, i never wanted to become one of those girls who only talk about the men they like, they've always annoyed me so much, but i guess i can sympathise with them now. i know what they were feeling.
finally.

-Lizzy

lol. that was just TOO much fun! XD
on another note... i still dont feel too good about yesterday. i hope my worrying is all in vain and that the goddess does protect him.
did i mean to hurt him? no. but i never realized he took what we were seriously. im the type of person that needs the physical aspects in a relationship as well as the emotional ones. and i just realized why i was so happy yesterday...
before i only played around with him. it was only a game after all, i didnt have a chance in hell, but now. well... now i think im falling in love with him. 
(god, i didnt want to use that word! >_> ) 
and i think i have this pendant to blame. hee, im beginning to wonder if it works both ways? whenever i wear it now, im so excited and happy and he pops into my mind.
god, i feel so guilty.
what am i going to do now?

-Lizzy

Im excited and im happy.
and i havent felt like this in a LONG time.
it's a scary feeling to tell you the truth.
im getting all the classical symptoms. you know the ones im talking about right?
the butterflies in my stomach, the pointless smilling all the time, the gazing at their features when you know there not looking and the skipping of a heartbeat when they smile at you.
and i am SO scared.
why though?
actually no. i think i know why. cause deep down, i know it wont last. there are soooo many factors going against this that i dont even feel the will to write them down. actually, i think i should even stop THINKING about them, just in case i end up jinxing myself.
hee. <3

-Lizzy

p.s. yay! i just realized this is my 50th entry! (*celebrates*)

Edit: 10:30 p.m.
it's amazing. earlier i was on such a high from my happiness... and then, just like a ballon whose air is being slowly deflated, i go from such happiness to a downright misearble state.
now, i feel like i just want to cry. i want to know just exactly when did our relationship turn so sour? and then, he tells me he's so sick. and now im worried. i mean i know that if anything happened to either of us, we would meet again in the next life, but still. the threat is still present and though i tend to act indifferent towards it, im probaly going to cry into my poor diary later. (hee, yes, i actually keep a physical diary, who does that anymore, right?)
im actually starting to feel physically ill. if there was only something i could do to help him, but at our distance...
it would take me DAYS to find the proper materials for a poppet. what am i going to do? oh goddess... please protect him, i come to you in humble supplication.

-Lizzy