Black Day for love

I know it's too early for this..but I can help it..It keeps on running into my mind..It's like a disease that wherever I am I get infected...it just pops out in my head..It's killing me..(is it that serious?hahahaha)

Lately I haven't had a chat with my friends, close friends that is..Don't have any outlet where I can say all of my thoughts and the things that bother me..So I will just use this blog to at least lessen this feeling..

Yah, I know and I keep on telling it with my friends that being single is the greatest. You don't have to think of anyone but yourself. You don't have to text or call someone just to say "Good morning!", "Kumain ka na ba?", "what gawa mo?" and the likes. You will never have any arguments with someone if you miss just one text or call. You don't to text or call someone just to update your whereabouts every single minute or else it will cause chaos.. There is nothing wrong being single, you simply can do anything and everything you wanted, without hesitations and worries..

...but why is it whenever I see couples (obviously I am working in Manila plus I am on a field work) I get jealous at some point and making me feel that..damn..I am all alone..I just hate it..The more I try to ignore it, the more it haunts me..I just have things to say..it's a fact that everyone is entitled to someone..but for me, I am entitle to enjoy every single day, enjoy my freedom and enjoy every holidays.

"It's a choice!"
Yes, being single is a choice, not by chance. You can find someone special anywhere, it's just a matter of who you would pick.. I guess it's a talent of choosing not just the right one but the only one though. Many have passed but I opted not to involve myself on commitments..but the question now is "why??"..Honestly, until now I have this difficulty in figuring out the reason why do I rather be single than be in a relationship given that it is everywhere..Is it because of my past experiences? It matters,right? Failed relationships, so damn tired of it..At the end of my relationships,it always ended up me saying, "deja vu?!"...Of course, I will admit, I'm not a perfect partner (who the hell is perfect anyways?!). I do have my flaws and up to now, at this age I'm still struggling to be matured (mind you that I am not doing it just for a relationship, I am doing it for myself, for my career..ehehe). I did ask my ex's to assess me, well out of curiosity on how am I as a partner. I just don't know whether they are just saying it because those were the words I would love to hear? So I am really sorry that I can't assess myself since all reactions were positive, or really it's all their fault?(kiddin'..peace!).Without thinking, how can I easily say NO when love is around? Is it because I'm use to it, of being single? or out of fear that it would end up the same? or perhaps, BOTH? Whatever it is, I know there is a reason..

I am guilty of longing for my past..There were things I really regret..Promises that still I am hoping for yet I think it will just be a dream. After viewing their profile (yah yah yah right, I am stalking them until now) just to update myself on how they are doing now, there is only one answer..They are all HAPPY now..happy with their lives now, on their career, on their relationships..I do envy them, "It doesn't work with us, so it works with somebody else?"..Hurting..If only have the courage to say it..I will be happy now..contented..fulfilled..

Well, now I am relieved at least I had a chance to say what am I thinking..my heart would explode if I keep it to myself. Though I am not good in writing, it doesn't matter anyway.