Hey everyone, what's up? So much going on, I'm so busy, it's not even funny! I hate semester projects, high school is really kicking me in the a$$ these days. How is a girl suppose to maintain a decent social life when life is being such a b*tch? :x Especially since I've got to do a lot of networking these days... D@mn Sara to hell, why does she hate me so much? I try to talk to her, I try to make conversation and she totally acts like I'm just boring geek. Which I so am NOT. ^^; We need to bond more... but how? Darn it! I've even been reading tips from WikiHow.com. How pathetic is that... but seriously, really good tips and how-to-dos on it. Such an awesome site, can't believe I didn't know about it sooner. Maybe it's a knock off of Wikipedia? As I've been procracinating and doing my semester projects at the last minute, I stumbled onto some teen dating and boy quizes, read some advice, and learned how to french kiss, flirt, and make out with guys from an internet article. Sweet. :/ NOT. That is so lame, even if I'm the one doing it, I think I can't be anymore desperate than this. So what? I'm a fourteen year old who has never had a boyfriend, never told a guy I loved him, never made out, never kissed, and definately haven't even been to second base. As my friend Veva had cleverly said "I haven't even ben up to bat yet!". I know, I know. My life pretty much sucks. I'm in a rut and I can't get over this one guy... Even if I'm in a pretty secret and personal place like cyworld, I don't want to say his name. All I can say is... I'm confused. I mean, I don't understand him. Or it. Or anything. I asked him to homecoming. He told me he was going with someone else. Fine. I honestly don't care about that anymore. But the problem is... you see, I was bitter at first and but then, I really got a good message from a friend "So? He likes another girl, it's not his fault.". As depressed as I was... it's true. And I got over him. Tried to like other boys but it didn't work. So I gave up wanting a boyfriend for a couple weeks. BS, it didn't last long. I fell for him, stupidly, again. Because... he was kinda flirting with me. At first, I played hard to get. Mostly because it was fun but also because I was hurting... In a twisted, half-hearted, weird sense I was punishing him for making me hurt. I don't know. But over the last month, he's been on and off been "quitely" flirting with me from a distance (according to this one quiz, it's because he's a shy boy and he is indeed flirting... if it's true that is... the quiz). He's always behind me when I'm talking to my/our friends in a circle but he doesn't talk to me. He just... lingers. Maybe he thinks I'm mad at him. Which I'm not. I'm just scared. I've never been comfortable around guys, I've just started talking and flirting with them starting this year... yeah, I'm a late bloomer. And I'm falling for him. Again. He's always standing next to me, staring occationall at me (I hope, not anyone else... :x), or walking past my desk in science. I don't know why I'm so crazy about him. Older guys have hit and flirted with me so much this year but I always liked guys in the same year better. As long as we're the same maturity level.... I just like them better. At our age.... we're just so young and inexperienced and most of the time we have "pure" intentions. I don't know. It's just so new to us that I feel secure. We're on the same page. We're both scared as sh*tless as each other and we don't know where the relationship is going to go but we're in it to be friends and have a good time with hot guys/girls. And that's why I like him. He's so... young (God that sounds gay) and fresh to everything. I don't know too much about him but he seems innocent enough and he's just so polite and well-mannered, and religious, and estudious, and just... nice. I don't know. That's so d@mn attractive to me right now. I don't know if I should get over it or... Gah, I don't know. I've been working all day. I'm so screwed right now, I should just take a nap. Goodnight everyone!

xoxo,

Christie <333