Stressed out Saturday...yes indeed...today is a stressed out day for me.I'm feeling this because of this person..."He who must not be named" . I'm feeling devastated by his sudden change...I should be feeling immune by now because I've felt this feeling so many times. I wanted to express how i really feel that I am not happy anymore but all i can do now is to be silent because I still want to save everything. I dont just want to give up. But if everything will turn out like a loose string...then it's time to set him free without me not saying anything... I think silence is a good choice. I just don't want to nag at him and tell him what he is supposed to do because I think he is old enough to know what's right or wrong. I want to cry but tears arent falling away... I'll probably preserve this tears if hurting will become excruciating.This journal will be my medium to express what i really feel...I feel terrible uncomfortable,depressed,stressed out and wasted at this moment. God please help me...

한 사람이 그리워...ㅠㅠㅠ
그는 보고 싶어!
아이쿠! 지금 한글 쓸 수 있은데
보통 여기는 한글 못 썼어
난 행복해!
내 한국 문법학이 안 잘해...미안해..난 평범해~

Crying while liistening to cranberries song "LINGER"...i played the song over and over while thinking about someone....someone that i really miss.... his voice, his face,his thoughts still lingers in my head. I miss him...I wish he is alright...I wish he is fine... If he could return, i hope he wont fade...but i'm sure he is happier and it is tearing me apart..it is ruining everyday...I hope he wasnt lying all the time.and i'm in so deep...i hope i wasnt just a fool for  him...i hope nothing could go wrong... i miss him...

i finally got a new job!

I'm not okay...I'm trying to be okay but i'm not. God is doing his major test again...this one is very tricky.Very difficult and i can't no longer breath. I'm in the brink of losing my job and being clueless if i'm gonna stay in my company or not...everytime i go to work, i always get ready if someone will approach me and tell me that "you're dead"! Today, i felt like putting an end to my heart...cut my breath away...i dont want to lose my job but it seems like each single day is deteriorating.I dont want to be jobless and being jobless is such a loser. I dont deserve what's happening right now. I have never imagined myself so worthless. This must be a nightmare! I hate applying for job,taking exams,getting interviewed with the same old insane applicant's questionaires.I just want to be in this place, the place where i almost treated like home though some people really suck but i still love this company. I know that this is all my fault, i wasnt a good employee...i sneaked browsing the internet and i am very temperamental with my customers and i regret it...i really do! I hope tomorrow when i wake up, everything will be fine....but i know it isnt going to be that way...I wish i can wake up from this nightmare! I beg God to forgive me and bring back what I had.